This is the funniest thing that has happened…forever. When I first saw it I actually laughed so much that I started crying. Now, even half an hour later, I keep lapsing into fits of stupid giggles at the recollection.
It goes like this. I was asked for a CV today, for journalism-related purposes, and I realised I didn’t have one on this laptop. So I had to rewrite one, and go and track down a bunch of URLs for old articles of mine online. One of the stops was Citysearch, where I have a stack of old music reviews that I haven’t looked at since they were posted. Now, some of you might remember a middle-of-the-road pop-rock band called Taxiride from ten years or so ago. One of the members, Jason Singh, tried to reinvent himself as an electronic artist by teaming up with a producer called Todd Watson to release a by-the-numbers club anthem under the cunning pseudonym ‘Todd Watson and Jason Singh’. Catchy. Not sure if it worked or not, I didn’t keep tabs. But I got sent the single, and gave it the unflattering review I thought it deserved, as well as having a bit of a dig at Taxiride. (Come on, who wouldn’t?)
I thought nothing more of it until the review popped up today and I noticed there were some comments on it. So I checked them out, and…Jason Singh himself had found the article and left an irate response about what an arsehole I am. Seriously! It’s. Fucking. Hilarious. Here it is in all its glory. (Jason, if you’re Googling yourself again, then… hi.)
June 09, 2009
This is the first time i have ever commented on a review in my whole career, but i couldn’t resist! Mr Lemon probably hasn’t walked into a club since he was wearing flares! For your information … Taxiride had 8 top 40 singles, were 5 times platinum, and are the only Australian band ever to have 2 number 1 radio tracks. one in 2000 and one in 2002! … nothing in the ’90s. What have you done? If you would like to meet up for a musical lesson, feel free to give me a buzz. If not, enjoy your time in you study thinking about why you weren’t good enough to make it as a musician!
Hahahaha! Several things I love. I love that he presumes I’m a failed musician rather than, say, a writer. Ok, you got me. I played saxophone when I was thirteen and then I got bored. I lament it daily. I love that because I don’t like his song, I must therefore be an old fogey who doesn’t understand young people’s music. Hmm. Jason Singh was born in 1973. He is in fact a full decade older than me. He can actually remember flares. I can remember phat pants. And I can tell you the clubs were pretty sweet in those days. I love his take on chronology. Taxiride were formed in 1997, and became well-known with an album released in 1999. To the best of my arithmetical knowledge, it is fair to categorise both of these as years in the late 90s. I love that they’re the only Aussie band ever to have two Number 1 hits. Hmm again. Sherbet beat them to it by 25 years. Though I agree Daryl Braithwaite shouldn’t be acknowledged as part of human history. I love that he defends the band via sales. Yes, they sold a lot of records. So did Savage Garden and Delta Goodrem. Selling fewer records were The Angels and The Saints and Crowded House. Who would you rather belong to? Plus bear in mind that during that same era, substantial numbers of people voted repeatedly for the likes of Amanda Vanstone, Phillip Ruddock, and Sarah-Marie off Big Brother. The good sense of the wider Australian public has never been something in which to have an inordinate amount of faith. Lastly, I love that he has supposedly never commented on a review in his life, but that I managed to inadvertently piss him off enough to claim this particular honour. That, my friends, is feedback. God I feel validated right now.
See, I did wonder from time to time whether the artists I was writing about ever read these things. Generally I figured they didn’t. I didn’t picture Bono weeping in his castle because I said his new track was derivative. I figured people in bands would have better and more important shit to do than stress over this stuff. And I have this reflex illusory idea of the internet as so big that I’m way off in a secluded corner, and that no-one will read my writing except five of my friends. Today I found out that when you Google ‘Todd Watson and Jason Singh’ the first result you get is my review. So in the end, perhaps not that surprising that he stumbled across it. But the fact that he did, and was pissed off enough to want to fight me about it, was just so absurd I completely lost my shit.
Anyway. Once I finished weeping with laughter, it occurred to me that maybe some of my other posts had harvested a bit of commentary gold in the last year or so. Indeed they had, mostly from people defending stuff that I’d canned. Not that all my reviews are negative – actually I was surprised by the number of positive ones, given some of the dreck I had to trawl through. But the only argument with a positive review was “Worst song ever. Cringeworthy,” after I’d given Ben Lee a lukewarm thumbs-up. Arguments with negative reviews though? Here are a few of my favourites, spelling and grammatical errors the authors’ own.
kyle: re 3OH!3
July 15, 2009
you must have gotten the wrong disc or youre totally stuckup and stuff. this is the most addicting cd i have ever heard bar none. if youre listening to it for the next great lyrical masterpiece move on but as something i would recommend this is number one on my list
nuffy: re Jason Singh
May 07, 2009
Seriously!!! i know your entitled to your opinion…its much much better than some of the rapper bad boy crap we are forced to listen to keep it up Jason
[Jason will write nice things on Nuffy’s Myspace page now. Thanks Nuffy.]
Melanie: re Karl Broadie
May 31, 2009
Sounds like jaded Geoff Melon needs a hug. This is a beautiful album.
tim miller: re The Feelers
February 01, 2009
i know how to play every feelers song and they rock p.s.you wrote weapons wrong!!
wjdelliep: Damien Leith
November 22, 2008
I happen to love Damien;s selection of music and would to hear more from a Xmas album . This writer sounds like a dis effected young hoodlum!
Awesome. Just awesome. Jason, Nuffy, everybody…you Changed the World As I Know It. Or at least you made me laugh my arse off. This dis effected young hoodlum can only say, thank-you. I will try to be less stuck up and stuff in future.
If you want to read the offending review, you can find it here.