Good jokes Abbotabad man

So at last we learn that all this time, all these empty days of searching, Osama bin Laden has been hiding INSIDE Tony Abbot. Which does explain that uncomfortable grimace Tony wears, as well as his being even more evil than usual for the last five years. Now, extrajudicial killings are never funny. Unless you’re extrajudicially killing a clown. But sometimes a death is also a cultural milestone. In which case, puns! The kind that I’ve collected from Facebook and other such media. (Yes, that means a fair few are my responsibility.) I may add more as they come; feel free to contribute your own below. Now, here is how the last few days have gone, punwise.

“Wait, the Bible says ‘thou shalt not kill’. So does capping Osama bin Laden make Obama sin laden?”

“Apparently there was so little left of Osama they collected bits of him in a trashcan. It sure was Osama bin laden.”

“These puns are more than I can Pakistand.”

“It was the people he was hiding with. The endless drone of conversation just killed him.”

“Apparently his last words were, “If I only could, I’d be Iranning up that hill.”

“Iraqen you’re right.”

“Jihad to go and get himself killed, didn’t he. Fatwa lot of good it did him hiding out in Pakistan.”

“Yep. Osama bin slayden.”

“Shame. He’s an attractive man. Mmm, break me off Osama that.”

“Y’all gotta stop making with the puns. Shiite.”

“It’s a little insensitive to joke Abbotabad man. O, sama these puns are terrible! (thanks Avalon.)”

“Just settling in for movie night. Russell Crowe plays a charmingly gay terrorist leader in The Osum Of Us.”

“Teen horror/suspense for me. I’m watching Jennifer Love Hewitt and her friends try to hide the body of a terrorist they hit and killed with their car in I Know What You Did Last Osama.”

“My TV is buggered. Stuck on ABC2 so I’m watching reruns of Osama Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em (the charming British comedy following the exploits of an accident-prone terrorist who just can’t land a job).”

“After this is the cracking Arthurian fantasy, The Saudi in the Stone. Who can pull him out?”

“Meh. Horror not doing it for me. Going for romantic comedy – There’s Osamathing  About Mary. Follows the comedic mishaps of a mismatched couple. Spoiler–> One’s a Muslim extremist, the other a Christian virgin who gives birth to the son of god.”

“All these options are a bit lowbrow, though. Thinking of going back to the classics. ‘Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious Osama by this ton of pork….'”

“I’m reading Bible favourites. Today, The Good Osamaritan.”

“Go the rom-coms! What about the timless love story, 500 Days of Osama. Boy meets girl. Boy falls madly in love with girl. Boy futilely uses girl as human shield in CIA firefight.”

“I hear he got shot up pretty bad. That’s cool, he always wanted to be a holey martyr.”

“Latest news is some turncoat got bribed to dob Osama in. He was just in it for the mullah.”

“At least with Osama gone, we can try to wipe out all that terraced housing in Carlton and Fitzroy.”

“I nicknamed my girl’s g-spot ‘Osama.’ It took me almost ten years to find but when I did… killed it.”

“Don’t blame it on the sunshine. Don’t blame it on the moonlight. Don’t blame it on the good times. Blame it on the midnight CIA raid.”

“Fucken Osama. Wills and Kate were so happy, he just had to one-up them.”

“At least this explains his inattendance at the royal wedding.”

“Yeah. Bin Laden would have had the balls to tell Princess Beatrice about her hat.”

“Our expired Saudi mastermind friend is now kicking it with Biggie and Tupac. Osama bling-laden.”

“Oh stop. (Osama-time.)”

“‘Bin Laden killed in mansion outside Islamabad, Pakistan.’ Apparently he was partying with Chingy. Make it rain.”

“You know how they found him? Spies, spies, baby.”

“I heard they asked Jim Courier. After all those interrogations, someone had to cave eventually.”

“He hasn’t even made it to the afterlife yet. He has tupac stuff for him and 72 chicks as well – the old dirty bastard. No biggie, though. He’ll jammaster it all in.”

‎”‘Hey, you with the helicopters, keep the noise down! Osomeof-us have gotta work tomorrow!'”

“Osama, hearing shouting from outside his room: ‘Abbottabad feeling about this …'”

“Local entrepeneurs are already cashing in on the killing. Apparently someone’s set up an Osamosa stand.”

“We’re now hearing that surveillance on the compound was done by an unmanned robotic camel: a dronedary.”

“These puns are out of control. I might need tur ban them.”

“Ah, but its bin so good!”

“Now the angels’ choir is singing Osama’s favourite hymn to his loyal dromedary … ‘Oh camel, ye faithful…'”

“He says ‘Don’t cry for me, Osamagentina.’ He’d mujahadeenough.”

“The fact that I laugh at these makes me think its too long since I’ve last bin laden.”

 

 

 

 

 

My other favourites have been from the GhostOsama Twitter account. (Yes, Timmy. Twitter.)

“Well this sucks…I accidentally enabled location on my tweets.”

“I retired as the world champion of hide and seek.”

“Hitler is pretty chill.”

“@BarackObama I can see your wife naked.”

“70 virgins left. I need a cigarette and a nap.”

“LMAO @NapoleonBonaparte you are short little dude, but I like your style.”

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7 Responses to Good jokes Abbotabad man

  1. Ben Ainslie says:

    This isn’t a pun but it still made me laugh,

    “WTF don’t bury him in the fucking sea! That’s what they did to Megatron and then he came back and fucked shit up!”

    • geoff lemon says:

      Ben Ainslie! I’ve never met you (I think), but I once nearly wrote an essay based on your blog piece about the Conroy internet filter. Then I got drunk, and by the time I’d sobered up, the moment had passed. Still, I think about it sometimes. It would have been amazing.

      Also, Megatron comment = three thumbs upwardly inclined.

      That is all.

    • Anth says:

      That’s OK, we’ll just set the Japan Quake Godzilla on to him.

  2. Raz says:

    This is me lavishing praise. 😛

    I didn’t actually realise you wrote the faggots and towelheads piece until I saw your followup on facebook…someone had forwarded it to me to read and I pretty much all but cheered on the train to work because it was fekkin brilliant, but I didn’t know who had written it. Awesome work, dude! 🙂

    Of the above, Osum Of Us and I Know What You Did Last Osama are two of my favourite things ever in my life to this point…also in the same vein as @GhostOsama, I enjoy @BinLadenAtSea.

    That is all. ^_^

  3. Jaimie says:

    I read that whole page without a trace of a smirk (no offense Geoff) then laughed out loud (no really) at Ben’s contribution. First Bin Laden joke that I’ve found funny.

    • geoff lemon says:

      Well, you know puns are like animal porn. Not for everybody. Megatron, however…universal.

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