And now, to share some of the funniest and stupidest things I have overhead, read, or been told in the last few months.
Also, an apology: a number of people have asked why Heathen Scripture has been so quiet. By the end of this month I will have read, watched, or listened to something like 2500 submissions for Going Down Swinging, as well as writing several columns per week, and other miscellany. Then I’ll be making said magazine. But I realised I do have a bunch of excellent bits and pieces previously put aside, so over the next few weeks I’m going to release these as a series. (The hint will be the number in the title.) After that I’ll have more time to write the stories and essays and arguments that I like doing for this site. Brimming with ideas at the moment, just need time to write them down. Also, a few people have pitched ideas for me to discuss recently, which is a nice development, so do that do if you’re so inclined.
Now, to the ridiculousness and amazingness of other people.
“Project 52 is back for the year! Let’s all be grateful it’s a comedy night and not some kind of awful, racist jaguar.”
“I have all the morality of a drunk eight-year-old and the self-awareness of a cold bag of ham.”
“It makes excellent use of Bruce Willis’s usual tough-guy charm and Milla Jovovich’s uncanny ability to look insanely hot while dressed like Raggedy Ann on meth.”
Re The Fifth Element.
“My eyes automatically land on ’19 year old girl in impossibly tiny shorts #843’ and I slam my hormones into reverse, taking several other emotions with them. The distant sounds of Paul Kelly blend with the over-simplified three-chord rock across from me, creating the equivalent of trying to read Lolita while listening to an audio book of Zoo magazine. God I hate festivals.”
The Bedroom Philosopher
“In the square, the mood ricocheted between exuberance and trepidation. ‘Mubarak burned this country and gave it over to thieves,’ said a sign held by an angry-looking man. Another protestor took a more lighthearted approach. ‘Leave!’ his placard read. ‘My arms are tired of holding up this sign.’”
“Assange said he had a traditional Swedish crayfish party to attend and needed a power nap, so they lay side by side on the grass and he fell asleep. “
“Nannes said his dreams of being a fast bowler were restricted to the days he fell asleep on the couch with a piece of salami in his hand watching West Indian greats rip through the Australian batting in the 1980s.”
Indian cricket website
“I bought some items from a commercial site, because of the unique channel of purchases, product prices unexpected, I think you can go to see: high-quality products can also attract you.”
“Fuck, I just dropped a capsicum.”
“Yeah, I dropped one about an hour ago. It’s starting to kick in. “
Trippers trying to cook at Rainbow Serpent
Not a quote, but I was delighted when I realised that ‘dishevelled’ actually stems from the word dechavalliered – literally, ‘unhorsed’.
“Parrot singing opera: official video.”
“Was that the rollercoaster? Er… fire hydrant? Fire extinguisher!”
Best Australian Stories writer Patrick Lenton’s struggle with the term ‘smoke alarm’.
“I just think you’re so full of magic, you’re like a big round wizard.”
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
“I’m so glad you didn’t bring dip. Once you have dip it’s all over. It’s a gateway food.”
“Warning. These Women Will Actively Message You. Studies show Russian Girls are Very Attracted to Western Men.”
Even better spam. From scientists.
“Hello Chris – this is Grandma signing in via firefox.”
How Do I Become Close Friends With This Girl On Facebook? (Answers.com)
Ok there this girl on Facebook she’s 19 and im 21 she has the same favorite team as me (New York Giants) so I added her on both the Giants site and Facebook she is very beautiful. I was chatting with her on Facebook last night she seems really cool. She lives in Dallas and I live in Atlanta so yea different states but im really starting to like her. My question is how do I become close friends with her? How do I keep chatting with her on Facebook? Can anyone help?
When you know her better ask her to visit you or you go visit her! Do web cam or skype and if you both have iphone’s then maybe you could FaceTime with her. But leave her nice comments on profile pics and stuff like”Oh I like the shirt” “Your eyes look really nice there!” ” I like your pants/ shirt/ sandals etc…” Anyway just get to know her better and ask her favorite color, singer, artist, album, music video, soccer team, or tennis, her favorite sport and the more you have in common the better chance you have to actually see her. Try to make her smile! Try to go on the application called ” Social Interview” and go into the section love/ romace and then flip through some questions and answer one about her. Like maybe the question will be ” Do you think whatever her name is, is pretty” and you might answer sort of or yes she is quite pretty, or answer half and tell her that her eyes are pretty. Go on tinychat.com and have discussions with her. There are many things you can do but if you like her (or think she is beautiful) I recommend
– Using your webcam programs like Skype and etc
– Complimenting her online
– Using the fb application social interview and answer things about her
– Use the kiss face on facebook it is like this :* and it will turn into a kiss automatically and if she says ewww say just kidding or if she giggles, or says lol say lol back!
– Ask her to visit, or if she could visit
– If she has online dating sites, that increases your chances of being together
But rember, 19 she still has school and you never know if she has a secret crush waiting there for her or if she likes someone else so ask her. Make sure on facebook you have a profile picture of yourself so she gets an idea of what you’re like. I hope I help🙂