Laughing out loud at 4 a.m.

Courtesy of the mighty Gleep: Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners  are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one  coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how  much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to  give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.  Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while  drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6.  Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you  absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.

7.  Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n),  olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.)  emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a  steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding  hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on  an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified  bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a  Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15.  Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief  that, when
you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.

.

.
The  Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take  any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,  or changing one
letter, and supply a new  definition.

Here are this year’s  winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding  stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The  bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down  in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any  misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting  laid.

3.. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a  house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an  indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism  spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The  gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who  doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee  intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis  (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A  degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9.  Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all  these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth  explodes and it’s like,
a serious bummer.

10.  Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

11.  Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler  effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):  The frantic dance performed just after you’ve
accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at  three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you  turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you’re  eating.

And the pick of the  literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A  person who’s both stupid and an  a***hole.

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5 Responses to Laughing out loud at 4 a.m.

  1. Ingrid says:

    “Oyster” that is meshuggas! I love it so much I’m all verklempt.

    Oy, I’m kvelling here! You’re a mensch for posting this🙂

  2. Ingrid says:

    Yeah, Yiddish is kinda my shtick, that &, like I am on most nights, I’m shickered, so this made me plotz with laughter😉

  3. Dale Slamma says:

    Come on then, what’s happening now? I suppose I am demanding an update.

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