Triple choc choc-chip cookies

New mail from Rabbi 🙂


I just bought a vending machine triple choc choc-chip cookie.  You know the ones that promise so much: I’m cookie, they say.  I have choc-chips, they say.  Half of me is covered in actual chocolate, they say.  You’re actually not sure what the third type of chocolate is, but you know it’s there.

The vending machine light bathes you in a soft halogen fuzz.  You stand there in front of the machine, wondering if you should buy one. Not as healthy the nut bar or the other healthy snack food.  But you’re smarter than that.  Each of those products are just as bad for you.  If you look at the back of the pack, they’ve all got the same amount of every type of fat, sugar, sodium and bi-phenyl-di-methylate as the last.  At least the triple-choc choc chip cookie is honest. You know where it stands and you know what it stands for: not just one type of chocolate in a cookie, but three different kinds.  Even if you don’t know what the last one is.  You know what you’re getting with the triple-choc choc chip cookie,  It mightn’t be good for you, but at least it will be good.

You put in your $2.20.  You rip open the triple choc choc-chip cookie and take a bite. It tastes like ass.

You don’t have another $2.20 in loose change.


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4 Responses to Triple choc choc-chip cookies

  1. jabba says:

    I hate those fuckers…

    I swear the vend-o-matic guy gives them an ‘up yours’ karate chop before he loads ’em in, so just when you think ‘fich ja – triple choc, here I come!’, it crumbles like an ALP election promise.

    …And where do they get off, ALWAYS sticking the double – and triple – choc cookies behind some ‘apricot and yoghurt’ monstrosity… Jerks.

  2. Alexander says:

    The worst vending machine item is Mountain Dew. What is Mountain Dew? It might actually be the dew of a mountain for all I know. With its 5000% daily requirement of sugar, sodium and arsenic, the only time you ever buy Mountain Dew is from a vending machine, and that’s only because you can’t see the baby sick colour. Then you spend $6 on a bottle or whatever the fuck it costs now one day when you’re stuck at a train station and are dying of thirst and it just tastes like someone’s strained the jizz off the glass wall at a Crazy Horse sex club and mixed it with the vomit of the illegitimate offspring of the strippers who work there….

    Mountain Dew is the devil…

  3. Geoff Lemon says:

    Nice. You guys add a touch of class.

  4. jabba says:

    Cheers, Brother.

    Come lean on us when you need answers to the big questions…

    By the way – got my posting today – going to Sydney, gonna be a Paratrooper!

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